Loving the Unloved: Slabs Profane Old Coins

Ahhhh! I am surrounded by Slabs!
   I awoke this morning in a sweat. I had dreamt that I was trapped inside a thick plastic holder. I could not breath.
   Some doctors have said that eating before bedtime is associated with more vivid dreaming -- so maybe I should not have eaten all those gummy bears.
   But slabs have been on my mind lately. And, they are in the news. There are some new designations coming out. For example, MAC will be stickering classic coins with new "grade enhancement" labels. For the buffalos, we will get "full split tail." For the Washington Qs, we will get "full split beak." Wow! We have really moved beyond horns and feathers.
   Perhaps we need to sound the horns:  Ta-Ta!
   But don't worry if you cannot see these details with your own eyes. The facts will be printed on the label! There is no need to look at the coin.
   I suppose that you could have a PGCS slab with both CAC and MAC stickers. The more stickers the better the coin! Soon enough, the whole slab will be nothing but stickers.

All relic coins are Perfect. No need to grade them on some
arcane numeric scale. Rather, just look at the coin and decide
if you like it or not. 

But what about my lowly cent from 1820? Does it deserve a special designation? It was spent, saved, and pondered. Maybe, it was smacked on the counter of a dry-goods store for peppermints. Maybe, it was flipped to decide a schoolyard bet. Maybe, it traveled to the new state of Missouri on a wagon. Maybe, much more.
   Then, suddenly, it was lost. The pause!
   If we are going to revere a coin, well then, I would choose the lowly cent over a herd of Buffs with split-tails!
   This cent lived. It worked. It was part of history. It is a relic. It did not spend it whole life in a collector's tray.
   But this lowly cent does not need a slab to tell its story -- the story is written on its face! Just as we show the crush of life on our aging faces, so too, the coin boasts of its own trek.
   So you ask, is he suggesting a new slab designation for his lowly cent? OF COURSE NOT. Slabs profane relic coins. And, slabs rob collectors of their curatorial skills. Besides, slabs are ugly. And finally, slabs prevent the consummation between the object and the collector.
   Too weird for you? Then go buy a slab with a split-tail!
   But for the necromancer, let's consider a special envelop for our 1820 cent. Let's make our own label. And, let's put our own sticker on it (I'm gonna go with the skull). Here goes:

1820/19 N1 Sweet old Matron, worked and weathered, with rusty surfaces highlighted by deep violet tones and a dusting of pumpkin and ocher. A perfect relic steeped in thumb-prints and soil.